On Preparing for Commencement

To be perfectly honest, right now, I should be writing the last essay I’ll ever write toward my Bachelor’s Degree. Commencement is in 7 days, and damn if the anxiety isn’t starting to kick in. Even with Adderall and Xanax, my concentration is completely shot. My sleeping and eating patterns are all over the map. I started this journey 4 years ago, and I can’t tell if the tears that keep trying to squeeze themselves out are happy or sad tears.

I’ve always loved school. Even after I graduate, I’ll still be learning; I’m working on getting certified in multiple coding languages, as well as becoming a certified Dell technician. Going back to school 2 years ago is nothing like I expected it would be. True: I did end up failing a class just like I did when I tried online classes at YSU; this time though, it was more about the circumstances of my life than the toughness of the topic. I miss some of my high school days: breakfast with The Breakfast Club, stopping by my crush’s house on the way to class in the morning, skipping class Junior year, grabbing food from the restaurant across the street and stuffing our faces backstage during Drama Club rehearsals, set construction weekends. I miss things from YSU, too: they always had the BEST donuts (which were TOTALLY worth walking all the way to the bus station to buy directly from the bakery when the university didn’t put an order in,) the candy store in Kilcawley Center, the breakfast buffet where I always ordered the same omelette I ate when staying at the bed and breakfast with my family in Colorado, the rec center, and my job in the library. Unfortunately, I just wasn’t able to make those same kinds of memories at UNO. I did get to socialize a bit during Zoom chats, but no one cared to keep in touch long-term.

I did, however, discover that my new boss is a former student and employee at UNO, so we’ve had several chats about the place, and he definitely gets the concept of taking a long time to finish a degree. It’s honestly really comforting to know that I really was hired on merit and demonstration of skill, and not just because I was getting ready to finish my degree.