Jean Gray the Phoenix

“All I ask is…

Let beauty come out of ashes…”

~ Celine Dion, Ashes

“When the waves are flooding the shore

and I can’t find my way home anymore

That’s when I

I look at you.”

~ Miley Cyrus, When I Look at You

~~~

I’d ordered a new bathing suit for the first time in years;

red to appeal to Persephone,

swimming and warm Boston breezes on my mind.

I stayed up for hours,

praying for your safety,

waiting to hear confirmation,

my mind beginning to construct worst case scenarios

after once losing someone who meant a great deal to me

and not properly saying goodbye.

Then the owl came to me.

It’s said that had her mate not replied,

had her song been the only one I’d heard,

I’d have been justified in believing the worst.

Looking up the symbolism

as I continued to write about the time we’d spent together,

it occurred to me I knew who to reach out to.

So I called out to Cronus in desperation and heartache,

my anger at the Universe ready to erupt

in chaos and destruction

had it brought me someone so incredible,

only to end things so soon.

While I was surrounded by negativity and misfortune,

While those I loved were in the midst of pain and fear,

he showed me sunny shores and a smile on your face,

warmth and sultry waves,

and he filled me with reassurance

that all would be ok.

Then,

when the silence remained,

I found myself appealing to him again,

along with Gaia herself,

Persephone,

and every other deity

whose presence I’d previously acknowledged,

and received every reassurance

that you and I

in our authenticity and friendship,

separately and together,

would bring the world hope and inspiration

for many years to come.

Even an unexpected Tarot reader

confirmed your triumphant return,

before finally,

at long last,

just when my mind had begun to believe

I was nothing but a phony,

you came back to me.

I’d passed the final test;

been exposed to flame after flame

since returning home,

faced the loss of every bit of my happiness over the years,

lost almost everything it’s possible to lose in this life,

and now,

I’ve risen one last time,

a phoenix from the ashes

never to be burned again,

ready to step forward,

my crown firmly in place,

steeled against the world.